I usually work backwards when relaying a sequence of events, but I’m ready to start at the beginning. I’m waxing philosophical for a moment, then I will try to be more precise. IF I were to have anyone believe my story, they might ask me if I am sorry I am in my current state of being targeted. I have to answer no. I worry about a few things, but nothing of significance right now.
My family and I chose to move to Petaluma for certain reasons and Petaluma was a great place to raise kids. If I had been living in another area and went through a mild manic state involving a person who was not a truly good person, my marriage could have fallen apart and my kids would have suffered. I would feel guilty about that even though what I experienced was caused mostly by a triggered biochemical imbalance: not a lack of morals, not because I didn’t pray enough (or much at all). I was married and there were some good years – wonderful moments and events – even after moving here – as far as I know legitimately enjoyed normally by my ex.
Guilt – guilt serves a purpose, but shouldn’t drag a person down. You did it, you do your best to deal with it. I sure as hell did. You shrug and go on. One of my personal favorite sayings is, “Regrets, I have but few.” Period. I regret not asking the minister to come to our reception. Check it off to not realizing that I should have and having to undertake the planning of a wedding at the age of 21 with my ex’s help. My mom could not have handled helping. We raised our mom – sort of – though, despite what she couldn’t do, she raised us right and with love. Being in this position of being a survivor of KULT Right stalking – I don’t regret.
Why in the hell not? It has led me to this moment in time. A time when I don’t really care what these Gremlins think (stalkers/harassers). I am a strong woman because of what I have gone through – much of which was before I even moved to Petaluma, California almost 22 years ago this coming August. I AM the perfect person to have been dealt this hand – because of experiences, knowledge, ability to notice and remember details, ability to remember discussions and events, going through bouts of “being crazy”, good self concept, great internet searching skills, being persistent and stubborn, and ad nauseum. Fate? A bit of guidance by the powers that be? Both I think. I have strong faith, but it is far from what the type these ugly Kult Right people have.
Laws broken by these “do gooders”, and KKK/Alt Right people. Here I go.
- Petaluma, day before the first day of school – in our house sleeping on blow up cusions so that our son can start 6th grade at the local school.
- Unknown to me was a family history of bipolar disorder – life challenging, difficult, life changing, but no suicides that I could find. My family and I had been through many moves and adventures on our way to Petaluma. I was the glue that held us together. We were strong, but I was “fragile”. I could only go to one gas station – I was anxious I suppose. My daughter’s school was led by a woman who was domineering and I was a live by the book person. There was a sense of being overwhelmed.
- March 1997 – There were a few warning signs, but I pretty much went into a manic phase at a certain moment in time. One second, my brain was functioning normally and the next, I was having unrealistice (grandized) thoughts. I became very attracted to a gentelman. The gentelman part is important, because his personality was so opposite of my rather “gruff” ex. One appropriate and innocent phrase expressing concern over something going on and “snap” – I was manic. Very mildly manic BUT I experienced all symptoms of mania – just most of the symptoms were internal and in my thoughts/head – except one.
- I acted attracted towards this gentleman. Actually, I acted a bit (a lot) drunk. Did I commit any crime? Absolutely not. In fact, when I would try to explain that my actions were perceived as being untoward, I was told that any person who would take the actions of a mild mannered and possibly drunk 40’s female as a threat would be nuts. And it was – paranoid and nuts. Not on the part of the gentleman (I think), but on those around him – inner circle so to speak. I was a stranger in a town that was naive and still reeling from the Polly Klaas trial and horrid events.
- I believe (am sure) that the gentleman in guestion (older than me, I point out) belonged to a group that is a cult, backwards thinking, control oriented. I aslo think there was some sort of connection to law enforcement. Maybe just law enforcement that is part of this cult or maybe it spread beyond that.
- Coincidences that made some suspect that I could be a stalker.
- Summer 1997 – The day I started counseling to get to the root of my illness/behavior, I started being unlawfully harassed. Numerous theories were thrown out as to which scenarios a person like me would “set me off”. Here comes the first “Civil Rights” violation. Numerous “stings” were put in place. I was now dealing with trying to find the root of my unusual behavior/thinking AND dealing with the anger and confusion from going through these “stings”. Crimes – stalking and slander. Maybe well meant, but inexcusable and illegal.
- Theory – this group of do gooders continued to develop their spy skills. Somewhere along the way, some of the people involved realized that they could use these skills to punish and/or control wayward members of various control oriented groups. Then, perhaps a few members realized that they could sometimes participate in “stranger on a train” scenarios – I push your target into committing suicide or end up on the street and you push my target into the same. Except the participants consisted of a growing group of zealous participants. To be continued