So, I spent a LOT of time away from my kids and at the Cheese Factory. Sometimes I would drive fast on a country road. Oh, I guess women are still not supposed to want to do that.
I was mystified and I was angry. I wrote about the 21 stars that had a lined up to cause my ? What could I call it? I had been scared to death. I was angry at the set ups around town, the scouts blocking a road to give whomever at Kinkos more time to what? Get a few cops in place?
I took a picture years ago of the payphone that I stayed near when I went to the Cheese Factory. My son had the number. He was old enough to babysit. I wonder what it was like for him.
I wonder what would have happened had the fear not taken over in 1997. If someone had bothered to find out about me. My history. My legacy so to speak with my church group and drill team and family. My wonderful supportive family.
I ran off my story that night at Kinkos as best as I could tell it. Interesting. The main person at the school who was involved was such a gentleman about the whole thing. He treated it the way a sensible adult would. But, I think there was someone who could not let it go.
I have enough for a book up to this point in time. A fictional book about a small town affected by an event that tore at their hearts, caused shock and disbelief. And sparked fear in a nation.
Anyway. The Cheese Factory was a place to work things out in my mind. Things that I would never have answers to. My counselor thought I had suffered from some type of trauma from all the changes in my life. Made sense to me. But, then she found a description from the Mayo Clinic. Yep. Every symptom, but at such a low level that no one in my family knew that I was ill. Yes, Ill. It is a biochemical disorder that I have done a fantastic job of controlling/maintaining. Maybe I would have done okay in 2012-2013 had it not been for the SONOMA COUNTY VIGILANTES riding their semis on the freeway, the people in their cars and trucks.
Fear has led to an awful lot of horrible things/events and it is used to fan the flames of this virus or plague. 20 years later. Now it is: FEAR AND HATE
Some of you continue to stalk me out of the fear you have of me from the rumors and lies. Some of you continue to stalk me because of the fear you have of losing this – this horrid beast that lets you hate a person and helps you control your fear. Well, looking from the outside in – you are raising a generation of kids who are fearful and will be easily swayed to take part in an illegal cause to control others. I think stranger danger is more fear than I would like but necessary. But this? Stranger danger on steroids.
Who is the person or group – besides my ex- who can’t let me go?