High School: Leader and co leader to two trips to Mexico for church youth group, drill team. Senior year: meet future husband. Camp Osceola 4th-12th grade. Ragger program: connect with God and decide if you move on the next year. Violin 4th-college. High School – only one in town considered integrated school and proud of it.
Summer Job: Marie Callendar’s turns coffee shop into first Marie Callendar’s restaurant.
1973-1977: UC Riverside, undergrad. Married in 9/76. Jobs: Sundays – vacuuming floor in dining hall. Then, Disneyland weekends and summers. Hostess, because I didn’t like the attitude some waitresses get towards people who don’ tip.
1977-1985: Teacher 8 years with good friends from work. Computer “expert”?, piloted music program. Mid to low income. Integrated school.
Sometime, S.O. and I make a trip to the Grand Canyon, ending up in Utah – North rim.
1985: Son, after multiple years of infertility issues. YWCA: Moms and Infants, Moms and Tots. Kindercare to sub a few days a week. Then preschool three days and childcare/church preschool. Had to show my son where I would be teaching before work. He and I would be sick each February. I would plan desert trips. Very, very mild Season Affective Disorder, but had no idea. In third purchased house.
1990: Lake Forest to get closer to S.O.’s work. Sad and away from Corona. 4 month miscarriage August 1990. 1991 – brother in law passes away from alcohol. S.O.’s division closing (had not realized that despite employment for quite a few years at one company – every 18 months or so he was looking for employment in another area.
1991-1992:Move to Minnesota – big culture shock. 1991 – Halloween Storm of 1991. 28 inches in 24 hours. Good schools, but slight bully culture. Son, very, very smart. Find him classes at local J.C. for summer – enrichment. Being smart is not always an easy path. 1992 – Daughter born. 1993 – We decide to head west job or no job.
Contaminated well next door, Contaminated plume. Taking little one to classes. Active baby/child. “Where are we going?” Who are we going to see? Little one and I are passing out flyers to neighbors to fight Reynold’s Metal and Whirlpool. City water goes in. We move to townhouse. Tornado warnings off and on.
1995-1996: Go cross country visiting Dinosaur National Monument in UTAH, and possibly a few other places, Colorado, Yellowstone. Townhouse for one month, then West Lynn Oregon – awful apartment. S.O. felt that doctor he was working with would get funding. It didn’t happen. Felt something kind of click. Shut off. Down.
1996-1997- Move to townhouse near Lucas Valley for a month. Find house and “move in” the night before school. Nerves shot. Can only go to one gas station. Overbearing preschool teacher in coop preschool. Overwhelmed by all the paperwork/sales at son’s school. March 1997 after long, rainy, flooding winter – bright spring. Something clicks again. Age 42 – never any sign of bipolar disorder. With one comment I go into a “mild” six week manic period. Mostly in head, but act very inappropriately around one person. Try to avoid. New kid on the block, so no one talks to me/us.
Lots of coincidences which puts early vigilante stalking into motion. Trying to show kids counselor’s office. Wrong turn and end up on street with person I made uncomfortable. Redoing some of our trip to CA so little one can see where we were. Uh oh. Person heading that way too. Polly Klaas trial is probably on everyones’ minds as other horrible crimes. Vigilante set ups. Wrong – well meaning for someone else but makes my recovering that much harder.
Oops. My S.O. shows up at the track and looks of chagrin on gang stalkers’/ex cops, current cops’ faces. No apology. Person I made uncomfortable perfectly, nice person. Feel that if I had to make a fool of myself while manic could have “chosen” a nicer person. Oh, but I stay on someone’s list – but don’t know it.
To be continued.
Already talked about how quickly I was diagnosed and got treatment in another post. FAST. Told to watch my stress by my doctor. Oh, yeah.
I go on with my life trying to be as normal as possible…..Started a Daisy Troop with another mom. So much for watching my stress. Keep the troop small because strong girls and I didn’t want to have to have at least three adults there. Flack from some parents of course. A few. The rest were troopers. I run it as a coop troop with Mom’s taking turns.
Okay: Troop leader, son’s troop’s – can’t catch word. finance person. So, technically a Boy Scout. Daughter, husband and I go on some of the trips. Get training to be Art Docent, chairman of one of the art shows, volunteer…………………field trips. Went to Stanford with 8th grade I think – son, nuclear accelerator. All pretty good. S.O. works out of town a lot because that is where work is. Out more than I expect/told. I am pretty open about my bipolar disorder. How are people going to learn that there can be very productive people with bipolar disorder if we don’t talk about it.
August 2005 – The Friday before leaving for Tahoe. Call back on mammogram. Breast cancer. Wait until January to have surgery and chemo because waiting for genetic test. First surgery. I read whole path report and look up every type of cell. Rt. mastectomy and chemo. Early research which I scout out shows that Paxil should not be taken by women with breast cancer (or at least my type). Under doctor’s care I slowly stop Paxil. Instant menopause of course.
I have had Seasonal Affective Disorder and have a lamp but it was not strong enough. Slowly go into a big depression with NO mania before hand April 2007, I go into hospital. 72 hour hold. Outpatient care afterwards. (closed one in Petaluma – tragic). I had been managing to drive to outpatient care.
For the first time, with a lot of anxiety, I drive out of Petaluma to Sonoma State for “required” intro to Special Ed program. I fake my way through the meeting.
Managed to make it to my son’s college graduation. Oh, at age 14, my daughter “got” to walk down the hall of a mental hospital to see her mom.
I had been substituting, jumping through hoops to keep my credential current, long term substituting, a reading teacher and then summer school teacher, an assistant in RSP (had to take a week off, came back could not understand first grade material and had to quit. Depression.) Oh, I had interviewed with a wig on. Later on that teacher had me substitute for her. Yes, she did.
I can say that I am bipolar which I might do among my “peers”, but I AM NOT my illness.
2009-2010 school year, sub and then 3 month job with a student with ADHD and Tourettes. Biggest hurdle was keeping in touch with Mom giving suggestions like: Next time X does his homework on the patio have him use a clipboard. I had him stand and point to countries that he needed to learn. I believe that was the first time he passed a map test in history.
2010-2011 school year, SDC for 3-5th. 1/2 the students were moved to this school because. I can’t remember. The kids who have the highest needs seem to be moved around the most. Worked with counselor and fantastic aid to run a good program and help these kiddos. Ended up with lactose intolerance, but didn’t figure it out until December. Fun! Almost forgot. I tend to be overly conscientious and stay late. On the way home, quite a few times, there were Sonoma County Sheriffs vehicles on the side of the road with their lights going. Nothing going on. I finally dropped off a letter at a sub station and it stopped. At that point I had in my mind that this had something to do with my “test” in 1997. A relative of that “person” was a Sonoma County Sheriff. All this in another post. I had a Sheriff stop with a look of hate in his eyes around 2008.
2011-2012 school year. Up until January I subbed. January I got a job in a small district in Santa Rosa. I worked with another RSP teacher as her numbers had risen. Great job! Great teacher. Sure she would laugh at whatever is out there. Oh, afternoons I worked at another school in the district.
The following year I worked at another school, but his time in SDC. Again, my students had been moved from one school and put in another. Part of my job was to work with the staff to help my students spend part of the day in the Gen Ed classes as appropriate. All teachers cooperated except for the two teachers closest to my room.
This was 2012-2013. October of that year, my pills were taken and all types of weird things were going on. I made the mistake of writing emails about it after a while. 1st thing on gangstalkers’ agenda – make the target appear to be crazy. But, it wasn’t a hug group/yet. Working with a principal who did not say one thing positive to me didn’t help. First time I sent a few students to her to just talk to her, she came marching in with a sticker chart and stickers – in front of the class and said, “I assume you know how to use these.” Good way to show the students that we are a team. Assistant would not leave her seat to hand out coupons that had worked so successfully in Sonoma.
So many things happened that I had the security tapes looked at. I was assured that no one had gotten in. Now, I wonder if someone was honest about the tapes. Then I was starting to experience brighting and all. I was slowly going down hill as my anxiety increased. I was becoming ineffective working with a very difficult group of students. Not unlike the group before, but I had been left “curriculum before. I had to stop in April and then the gangstalking was stalking on steroids.
So the gangstalkers didn’t know what went on before. Also I was going though a divorce and my S.O. joined in the gaslighting and had been doing verbal gaslighitng for many years (a now acknowledged form of verbal abuse. It was crazy making.
However, I recently realized that I was never manic. Yes, I wrote a lot, I drove around a lot, I acted really strange when out driving. When you are going through this shit…………….yes it is. – you are trying to do what you can to get your stalkers to listen, document what you can, try to get other people to see what you can see. Then, came the slide into depression………………
I had been handling ALL the moving prep on my own. Overseeing the repairs, having things removed from the yard, watering our huge yard………………The night before we were moving our things out. I couldn’t deal with the thought of trying to meet the movers. I couldn’t understand how I could do this. I had been depressed, on the couch looking at the clock.
My sister and counselor got me into a hospital. Same building as before run by different group. I faked that I was okay after three days and was released (also in another post). Came home, but sister knew I wasn’t okay. This time in for a 14 day hold 5250. After 10 days I was “well” enough to come home. Oh. A person can be admitted to a mental hospital if s/he cannot take care of herself. You can no longer function and you can’t take care of yourself.
Part III is now. But why not when I was subbing? Why not last year? I had a full time job. What changed? Why this year, but not last year? What “evidence” did someone manage to accrue? Only thing I know is hate can lead someone to make anything happen. That’s what I believe.